Other's Bakar

Hi frndz this is basically the collection of bolgs by other people and my after thoughts to it. if you want to see my own blogs then go to the following url:shekharshwetank.blogspot.com

मंगलवार, अगस्त 16

Crush crushes da-iict

Sometimes every one (oops) most of one go through the goosebumps on the first crush ..... i liked the blog very much.It hursts when you long for someone very deeply and u see that u can do nothing about it.Sometimes it is better not to think of the consequences and follow urs heart.But then sometimes it's not.This is the main theme of the following blog: http://blogs.sify.com/blog_display.php?blogid=1179&pid=3515 Tenth Standard CrushThursday, December, 16th, 2004 Crushes do require courage! Hmmm...Studying in a boy’s school had its own share of merits and demerits. I never tried to reason out them. But if there was a time, when I certainly missed out on girls then it was at my tenth standard. I was tenth standard, when I first joined a tuition class. The tuition center was really far and I had to travel an hour by bus to reach there. I had never previously spoken to girls other than people whom I knew from childhood. The first day of my tuition class was when I met Rajalakshmi. Her friends always used to call her Rajee and I always pleaded with myself to stop looking at her. I was not a bright guy at class and I was really worried as to how she looked upon me. I chit chattered with all the other guys whenever she was not around. But when she was there, I used to portray myself as a sweet silent guy. She used to speak to all the other guys in the class, except me. I decided to open up to my friend about my crush. He was surprised too. Finally after a lot of thought, I decided to approach her. That day, I went to the class well ahead of time and waited for her. When she came, there were around 5 guys in the room. So I decided against approaching her then. She then left to the room next by, to find her test book. I followed her. My legs were shaking and my hands were cold. As I was walking, I tried to recollect what I had planned to tell her. I put my hand in my pocket and tried to search for the piece of paper over which I had written my dialogue. As I neared her, my heart started to pound faster. I could hear it too. Suddenly she turned and saw me. I almost fumbled with the book in my hand. I cleverly covered my nervousness. I went to the book shelf at the other end of the room. Now I was sweating. Phew...!! After a few minutes, I mustered some more courage and turned around. Booo.. She had left the place. 'What a bulb' I told myself. I left the room and entered the study hall only to find three things. First, our tutor had come and so no more chance of talking to her. Second, my place had gone and so I had to go back and sit. Third, I could only sit in the last row, from which, all my chances of even watching her were lost. BOOO... 'My fate', I thought to myself. Next day, my friend started to tease me. "You don’t have the courage to even face a girl? How are you going to propose to her?" "That’s enough", I said. I knew he made sense, but my ego was at stake. So that day I told myself, "today I am really gonna speak to her". I remained cool for the other half in my school. When it was one hour before the class, as expected, I started to get nervous. I went there a bit earlier than the day before. This time to my surprise, she was there in the class, sitting and reading something. I landed myself in the bench adjacent to her. For the first few minutes, I didn’t dare to turn and see her. Then again, I mustered myself up. I turned and then walked to her straight. This is it, I thought. I was just a few feet away from her. My head was rotating and all the other external crush-phobia symptoms were also there. I thought I was gonna break down for a second. And then I was caught off-guard. She turned to me and held out a book. I saw the book and realized it was my test book. "Damn, how did she get my test book???” I saw on the table the pile of all the other test books and immediately realized that our tutor had asked her to hand it over. "GEEE... " I quietly took the book, went back and sat. "How much did you get?" I turned and saw that she was not only speaking to me but also standing a few feet away from me. I was speechless. "Me?", I gulped and asked. "Ya", she said. It was then that I realized that I never even opened my book to see how much I had scored. I opened and saw. Oops! It was thirty five out of hundred. I decided to maintain some image and told her "Seventy five". Hey eyes widened. "Wow", she said. "I got only sixty. I think you must've got the third sum correct. Can I just see your book?" I was trapped. I swallowed hard. I opened my book, pretended to see it and then told her that I had got it wrong as well. I feared she might still persist to see my book. But she didn’t. I heaved a sigh. "I am not sure how my father will react to this mark. I am scared", she said. "I don’t even tell my father such marks", I thought of telling her. I just remained quiet. "Speak to her", I could even imagine my friend telling this to me. But somehow words would not come out. "Tell me something na. It’s going to be another 40 minutes for the class to begin", she said. "Something? How much do I tell honey?” I thought to myself. I was sweating. I remained mute. "You appear to be a very quite guy? I see that you don’t talk much in the class. Why?" I thought I should smile at her and did so. "Ok" "enough" "Stop it" "Your blushing too much", something inner kept telling me all these things. That was it. She stood up and walked away outside. I kicked myself for not having spoken to her. "You didn’t speak to her? Your nuts", my friend told me the next day after I had told him everything. "I know", I told him. "Hey, don’t feel bad man. It happens the first time. Just think her as anybody else. Just go and speak to her casually today. I am sure she'll respond", he told me. I thought about it and realized the truth behind it. Alas, it then reigned into me that an opportunity lost is like spilt milk. For the next seven days, I was not able to speak to her. I repented my missed chance. Weeks later, as I was sitting quietly inside my tuition hall, she came in. By that time, I had almost lost all hope of speaking to her again and proposing to her. She came over to me and asked, "How much did you get in the last test?” I chuckled. I did not know. I never had the habit of even knowing how much I scored in tests. I opened my mouth to tell a mark of around 'eighty'. "I got 78 and you know what I am the highest", she said. Phew, I just couldn’t imagine myself getting into another tight corner. I told her that I did not attend the last test. "My dad was very happy", she said gleaming. I congratulated her. I understood that bubbliest in her character and I felt that, that was what which had attracted me to her. She kept on speaking for some more time. And I too, to my own surprise, started to speak as well. In between, I used to wonder, "What happened to you man? That’s great. Keep it going". The next day, my friend could not believe what I had told him. I guess he got a little bit jealous and dared me to propose to her. I told him I'll do that the very same day. It was only after sometime, I realized the depth of the challenge. I was really scared. I wrote down whatever I had to say. I memorized it more times than my history book's dates. That day, I went over to her. She turned and smiled. Before I could speak, she again opened up by asking me my marks in the last exam. "Man, doesn’t she know anything else?” I wondered. I spoke about studies and I returned back without saying a word about anything else. The next day my friend was back teasing me. This time, he crossed his limits. I was angry and told him that I will definitely propose to her that day. The day after that, my friend eagerly came over to me and asked me what had happened. I told him the same thing had repeated itself. He started to laugh. However, he did not say anything. I remained silent the whole day. I felt bad that my friend’s words were true. I had done so many things in life up to that day, but nothing could ever give me the courage to propose to a girl, I thought. My friend understood that I was disappointed. He came over to me and told me that he would accompany me to the tuition class that day, but he refrained from accompanying me when I was to go and talk to rajee. I agreed upon. I thought that my friend would give me some tips on approaching her. He did so and it did really work. I went to tuition that day in a more relaxed manner. In fact, I did not even write down my dialogues. I thought I am just gonna go there and speak out my mind. We reached an hour early. She had not come then. 10 Minutes had passed. I started to think. 20 minutes had passed, I started to get nervous. My friend started to cool me down. 30 minutes had passed. I almost felt like breaking down. "I'm never gonna do it", I thought to myself. My friend calmed me down. Fifty minutes had passed by that time and everyone had come to class. My friend decided to leave. I felt lot uncomfortable after he left. The class started. "She's on leave", I told myself disappointed. "I'm gonna find why she's on leave today", I told myself. After the class got over, I went over to my tutor. I asked him about rajee, casually telling him that she had my test book with her. My tutor gave a dead look at me. "Did he know of anything?” I wondered. "Why did you give your book to her?” he asked. "She wanted to see it" "I don’t know what to say", he said. "Why, what's wrong?” I asked him. "Her father called up today to tell that she will not be coming to tuition anymore. I don’t know how you’re going to get back your book. ??? " !@#$%^&* It had been two days after that. I had told my friend all about it. Both of us were sitting on top of the wall by the side of our school. The thought still hadn’t sunk into me. My friend had a hearty laugh when I had told him. But he did not say anything now. I felt lost. When I had all the time in the world, my instincts ruined my chances. And finally when I had decided to nail the coffin, the nail went missing. My friend read my disappointment. "Cool it man. If she had to be your Mrs., she would have never missed you", he said. Nice words indeed to heal a bruised or rather CRUSHED sentiment. So Crush crushes shwetank.shekhar.tripod.com

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